The Moment I Thought I Lost, I Won!
Have you ever heard of the saying, "look at the glass half full, rather than half empty?" I am sure you have; it's prevalent. Nevertheless, have you realized how powerful that saying is when you can change the narrative of just how an object looks? Think about it….
One thing I've stated numerous times on Instagram captions (@anitamatey_) Low key shameless plug… is how quickly your perspective on life changes when you realize that YOU are the director/ the co-creator/the producer of this thing called YOUR life. You can control the narrative. You can change the story simply by the choices you decide to make. Your glass can be half full and not half empty. You can be the winner in your story; you can be the overcomer, take the pen back, the power back and choose to rise above your situation. You can decide to want to see the sun again during your storm by making the right choices for that to happen.
Let me take you back to what's been going on with me...
It has been a month since my breakup, and I thought I lost for the first few weeks. I mean, think about it, I was dating a guy for almost two years, already planned out our wedding colors and hashtag (because you know how we can get carried away sometimes). I built a connection, was vulnerable and open to what I thought was love, and created memories with someone I felt I had a future. And with just one confession of being cheated on the entirety of the relationship, all of that was lost. I lost someone I completely trusted, someone I really thought was my person. The feeling of losing all of that was when I felt so broken. There were so many thoughts and feelings I buried that later resurfaced. Thoughts of not being enough, questioning my worth, to the extreme my existence. Like I said, this BROKE ME. OR so I thought it did.
During that moment of darkness, and I know I keep using that, but y'all, that moment was REALLY dark. However, I did the only thing I learned how to do during that moment, which was to pray. I cried, prayed, and pleaded with God to save me because the pain was too much. I mean, this was someone I also prayed with, did devotionals with. It was a relationship I invited God in. Which is why I was so confused. I was asking the "whys" and the "hows." And that's when I heard God say, "Don't worry, know I love you."
Over the month, the magnitude of God's love in my life became more evident and more apparent. God saved me from something that was not mine, something He was never really a part of. He allowed this to push me to go to therapy, which has been such an essential tool in my healing, a tool I was hesitant to use. During this season, God put certain people in my life that allowed me to be vulnerable with them, fully open up, and accept their help. He needed to shake up my life to bring forth lessons such as forgiveness, letting go, and the significance of bringing together Jesus and therapy. Most importantly, He needed me to understand my value, my worth in Christ.
I thought I lost, but I won!! I gain clarity about myself, my worth. I didn't lose anyone; an obstacle that was in the path of my blessings was simply removed. I gained a new community, a therapist, and a closer relationship with God. Now, I feel more vital than ever before. Although it has been a month, God has really sought me through this, and He still is!
I could've chosen to allow this to destroy me and allow what happened to be my story. I could've chosen to be the loser in this situation. My glass could've looked empty. I could've allowed my now ex and what my ex did to be what defined me. But no, I'm choosing the opposite. This is my story. I am choosing by the grace of God to be the conqueror. My glass is half full, and with my faith in God, the glass will run over with blessings. Somebody's son will see my worth and the light Christ has shone in me. But until the day God brings somebody's correct son my way, I will use this time to get closer to God, continue to work on my worth, and take every day one step at a time. I will use this time to rebirth my character and fire up my faith in God.
Ponder on this scripture for a second...
Scripture reads
"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let the patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing".
-James 1:2-4
A book that has helped me during this season is Worthy: Live Your Highest Calling by Shannon Evette. There are so many gems in this book, but I keep this very close to me.
"If it's hard, it's teaching you. If it's tough, it's stretching you. If it's painful, it's purifying you. If it's delayed, it's disciplining you. No matter what it is, in the end, you'll be better, wiser, more prosperous, and stronger for it."
Listen, choose to be an overcomer. Don't allow the mess to narrate your story. Take back the pen and the power. And just know through it all, with God, you will get through this. There's a reason for this. Look for the messages in a mess, choose to win, and be the conqueror. You got this, and most importantly, God's got you!
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